Oops, I forgot to give credit to my friend, Cze-chao for also inspiring me to start a daily journal.

I'd typed a bunch of stuff during lunch today but I guess my session must've timed out so here I am at my parents' house, trying to recreate what I'd written.

I had dinner with my old roommate and good friend, Erin, last night. (Something I really appreciate about her is that even though she's married, she makes time, every month, for us to hang out.) Anyways, she was telling me about how 3 of her good friends just recently (within the past 6-8 months) had babies and they're now asking her when she and her husband (of a little more than a year) are going to start having kids. And we talked about how kids just totally and completely change your life. (That's how it should be, don't get me wrong.) I was telling her that by living vicariously through my cousin and his wife (Elijah and Cindy) and seeing what they're going through with my 2 godsons, Micah and Toby, that I'm really glad that I'm not there right now because there's so much more that I want to do with my life before getting to that point.

Don't get me wrong...it's not that marriage and parenthood are things I don't want. That's not the case at all. But, given all the things I want to do, I certainly could not do those things if I were married, much less with children, such as traveling (Spain for New Year's Eve and Kauai over Spring Break next year) and the various things I'm involved with (TNT, Camp Cherith Board of Directors) and all the various social things I have going on.

And then that got me wondering, is it because I'm so busy that I don't get asked out? That was my moment of weakness, because I *know* without a shadow of a doubt that if it (relationship) were something the Lord had planned for me at this point in my life, it would've already happened. I fully believe that in spite of what I do or don't do, say or don't say, as long as I am striving to live faithfully, that the Lord will bring me to whatever His plans are for my life.

It's just hard when it feels like everyone around me is getting engaged within like, 3 months of meeting someone (which, to be quite honest, is far too short for me!) and starting to have kids. I mean, I don't think I'm chopped liver...maybe I'm just delusional thinking I am not. hahahahaha =)

So, in between now and then (should I ever get to "then"), I'm going to live my life as fully as I possibly can, with who God made me to be.

Who is that person? Who is Jane? Well, not that I'm like, trying to boast about myself or anything, but (and pardon the stream-of-consciousness rambling here) I'm a leader, organized, witty, intelligent, funny, generous, warm, social, gregarious, a people-person, a flaming extrovert who does whatever it takes to keep up with the important people in her life, blunt/direct/straight-shooter/to the point, love to travel and will if whenever I have the chance, love getting together with my friends because I am that self-proclaimed flaming extrovert!

Okay, so, enough of the positive things. On the flip side, I'm judgmental, crictical, impatient (especially with people who lack social skills), fearful, tend to build up walls around me especially when I think I'm gonna get hurt, and if I chose to be, I could be a real b**** and hurt people.

Thankfully, He has softened me in many ways, as one of my good friends would say. =) But, in as many ways as the Lord has already changed me, there's still a lot of work to be done. And it's so not easy to go through, but I have to believe that it's for my own good and that there's a reason behind all of it.

Well, my parents are calling me to go eat fruit with them. (Nightly ritual when I was growing up, and still is every Tuesday when I have dinner with them!) Until the next time...