Boy have things been crazy. Finals always get to me. But it seems to be worse this year. I must be getting old. hahah =)

I spent the night at Cindy and Elijah's on Saturday night after we had a cousins dinner. I always have really great conversations with Cindy and that's one of the things that I treasure about staying with them, aside from the fact that I get to spend time with my adorable godsons. =)

I process things externally/verbally, so as we were sitting there talking ('til 2:30am!), there were some things that I realized and other things that got me thinking.

As usual, one of the topics was singleness. I guess with the holidays, it's something that I think of in light of tradition and family and stuff like that. I find it interesting that whenever you have singles mixed in with marrieds, everything defaults to marrieds, and this is true in so many different areas and ways.

A few years back, a few couples from TNT (my old singles group) were getting married and they wanted to try to get make TNT a group to include married people and someone had made the point that if marrieds are allowed to be part of the group, then everything will default to marrieds and then there would no longer be a group for the singles.

Well, with regard to my recent thoughts, I see that singles really don't get much of a say when it comes to holidays and traditions with regard to family. We end up merely along for the ride. For example, for Christmas this year, my family is doing Christmas at my brother and sister-in-law's house, with her parents and her brother as well. Her brother and I are both single, so, we don't really get a say in what happens, not that I necessarily would want one. But what happens if I were to get married? Then you introduce a whole 'nother group of people into the mix and have to coordinate and people will invariably get disappointed or hurt. It might be easier if you didn't live close to your family! At least it's more understandable if you can't make it there! My former roommate, Erin, and her husband alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. This year, they did Thanksgiving with her family in Hawaii and then they'll do Christmas with his family in Baltimore and then next year, they'll switch.

It's also interesting to me that the whole concept and importance of traditions doesn't really kick in until you're married--or at least the urge to create traditions doesn't. I have 17 stairs to get to my living room. You will not find me hauling a Christmas tree up there! Although, I did start this "homeless" Thanksgiving tradition (for friends of mine who don't spend Thanksgiving with their families or don't have anything to do the Saturday after Thanksgiving!) 4 years ago and I plan on continuing it even if I am married.

What frustrates me is that we have the world telling us that there's something wrong with us if we're still single. But at the same time, it's not like the church is really doing anything to come alongside us in our singleness! Well, at least the church I had been attending. Our singles pastor had left in May 2001 and over three and a half years later, they still haven't done much to try to find a replacement. They keep saying that they're committed to finding a pastor for singles but proof is in the pudding and I don't buy it. They should've started that process the moment that Kevin had given notice! It's clear, from the way they budget their money, that singles just aren't a priority. And they wonder why they lose singles to churches like Mariners or Saddleback. Those churches put money in their budget for singles because they recognize that they're important!!

My friend, Dorcas, and I were hanging out last night and had more interesting conversation about singleness.

A while ago, I realized that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. But you never go into a relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, thinking, "I think I"ll have this friendship for only 7 years" or whatever it is. You think that that person will be in your life forever. I think that's because we have a desire for eternity built into us. So as the years have passed, some friendships that seemed like they might be for a lifetime have turned out to only be for a season. And it does hurt when they don't turn out to be for a lifetime. I could potentially say, "You know, it just hurts too much to have friendships which only last for a season so I'm just going to stop making new friends." But that would completely deny my need for friends. So, the only solution is to recognize that some friendships will only last a season, and that's okay if they do, but that I have a greater need for friendships so I should keep on making new friends.

Dorcas was talking about this in relationship to making friends with people who will probably get married and then you would lose the friendship, and that maybe it's just not worth it to continue to make friends with people because of what happens to a lot of people and their friendships with single folks when they get married. I told her that, along the same lines of thinking as the whole "friends for a reason, season, or lifetime" thing, that she can't deny her need for friends and even though it might be harder for her, as an introvert, to make new friends, that it's something she still needs.

I told her that if she ever wants to go to any singles events at Saddleback, to let me know and I'd totally go with her and be the catalyst for her meeting new people, especially since I am now attending weekend services at Saddleback!

Dorcas and I were talking about some of the things that people say to us singletons (a la Bridget Jones) that really annoy us. People say, "Oh, God definitely has someone for you" and my response to that is, "Has God told you things about my life that He hasn't told me?" Or they'll say, "It will happen when you're not looking for it or when you're least expecting it." Come on. Give me a break.

The most frustrating part is that as women who choose not to be the aggressor, there's nothing we can or will do about it. Guys are single by choice, but not so for women. So we are left to wait to see if guys will take the initiative. And the only way to find out whether or not a guy would take the initiative to ask us out is to make sure that we're in the path of the train. There's a difference between that and moving the train tracks so that we are then in the path of the train.

Unfortunately, with the vast majority of Christian men, they don't ask women out. I can see why older Christian women end up with non-Christian men--they'll actually take the initiative and ask women out! Plus, a lot of times, the non-Christian men treat women better than Christian men do! I mean, come on, Dorcas and I, and countless other Christian women, are good looking, intelligent, funny, and all those other things that guys say they want. So what's the problem?! It's hard to not fall into the trap of thinking that it's something wrong with us.

Argh!

Where does that leave us Christian singletons? And I am asking that question under the presumption/assumption that we are relatively issue-less and if we do have issues, we know about them and do something about them. Well, there's really not much for us to do in terms of getting into romantic relationships aside from just living our lives. So, we plan a trip to Italy. hahahah =) Dorcas and I are going to go, along with Jen and Lily!

Or, I suppose we could all compromise our standards and date non-Christians. Would it be better to be in relationship with someone who isn't a Christian but is open to Christianity and stuff like that (even going to church regularly and being part of a small group) or to be in a relationship with a Christian who might possibly decide later on that he doesn't believe anymore?

Who knows. Either is far from ideal, obviously. But, this isn't exactly an ideal world we live in. But, should we not hold out for the best that the Lord would have for us? And would the best not include a godly man? Well, I know that there are quite a few of us who are holding out and nothing is happening and it's easy to get discouraged from sticking to it.

All I know is that I can't and won't spend my time bemoaning the fact that I'm single and not getting asked out and instead, I'm going to live my life and enjoy my it!!