Married people don't mean to do it

So, I had a bunch of interesting experiences this weekend that involved married people. I think it was the first of its kind. Or perhaps it'd be more accurate to say that it's the first that really stood out in my mind.

I had gone to a friend's 40th birthday bash by myself. I had invited someone to go with me but he was unable to attend. (Looking back on it, I learned a very valuable lesson--I'm either not going to go if I don't have someone to go with me or I will make sure that I bring someone!) The only people that I knew at the party were the birthday girl and her husband, and a co-worker and his wife, but they didn't get to the party until, gosh, probably sometime between 6:30 and 7 (I'd been there since 5:30). Most everyone there was married with children. (There was one other gal there who is single but I didn't know her.) I think I was also the youngest person there. There were moments where I sat by myself for minutes at a time. It was in those moments that I really someone had come with me. And then there were moments when the only thing being discussed at the table at which I was sitting were these people's children (not that there's anything wrong with that) that I felt really relieved that the person I'd invited did not come with me because I think that could've made for some awkwardness.

So, not that married people set out to do it, but I felt uncomfortable and I had nothing to contribute to the conversation.

Then, yesterday, when I was at church, I stopped to chat with one of my good friends (who is married) and she and her husband had been chatting with a couple who had just joined their Bible study. And they started talking about very couple-ish things, like a couples' Bible study that's going to start up at our church. And again, I felt like, "Okay, I have nothing to contribute to this conversation" and I found an opportunity to say, "Well, I'm going to go now. See you guys next week!" And I left.

You know, whenever you put married people together with singles, it's like multiplying by zero (the married people being 0). Everything defaults to the married people. Well, okay, so, that might not always be true, but it sure feels that way. And the interesting thing is that they were once single, but it's as if they immediately forget what it was like to be single (i.e., how incredibly hard and frustrating it can be) as soon as that ring goes on that finger. And some of them, when they've heard about my plight with dating, say things like, "Man, I'm so glad that I'm not single anymore." That's nice. That makes me feel really good. (Read with dripping sarcasm.)

I've only met one married person who did not forget what it was like for her to be single. She's definitely in the minority.

Don't get me wrong--I fully see the value in having married people in my life. I'm thankful (okay, so, I wasn't really feeling so thankful yesterday!) to have them in my life because I get to see just how incredibly hard a good marriage is and I have the opportunity to learn from them and what they're learning so that hopefully, I can at least be prepared should I encounter the things they're encountering, if not completely preempt those things.

And I understand that when you're married, that's the stage of life that you're in and that's where your focus is. But is it so much to ask that when in the presence of singletons, to try to steer the conversation away from couple-ish things so that the singleton doesn't feel so completely left out?

I realize that whenever I spend time with married people, it's usually one couple at a time. Or, if it's more than one couple at a time, it's when I'm with my brother and cousins.

I find myself spending more time alone, especially on the weekends. A friend, who is a few years older than me and just recently (6 months ago) started dating one of my good friends, made a comment to me that seemed to be quite astute. She said that the older you get the harder you have to work at creating community.

I'm sick of having to do that, damnit! Yeah, and that's me, the flaming extrovert, talking!!!! It just gets tiring to have to ask and answer the same frickin' questions over and over and over.

I'm hoping this is just a passing phase and I'll come out of it soon.